What's wrong, Santa?

Santa looks so sad! What is wrong with Santa? Santa has been listening to the radio!

Since a local station has been playing non-stop Christmas music (they start on Thanksgiving Day), I have heard a lot of holiday music already. Some of these Christmas songs make me want to grab a razor blade!

I have compiled a list of "Christmas songs that make me want to end it all" for your amusement. Enjoy!

Hard Candy Christmas by Dolly Parton
I heard this the other day and really listened to the words. First of all, Dolly has had a hard year, according to the song. She is thinking of dying her hair, cleaning out her house, and getting drunk. As she is singing, she is sinking deeper and deeper in despair, as she drags me with her. Here is the chorus:

Fine and dandy

Lord it's like a hard candy Christmas

I'm barely getting through tomorrow

But still i won't let

Sorrow bring me way down

The Christmas Shoes by Newsong
I have hated this song with a passion since I heard it. First of all, what father lets his little boy out on Christmas Eve to stand in line for a gift for his mom, as she lies on her deathbed? Instead of giving the little boy money, he should have called Child Services. Here is part of this wretched song:

Sir, I want to buy these shoes for my Mama, please
It's Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size
Could you hurry, sir, Daddy says there's not much time
You see she's been sick for quite a while
And I know these shoes would make her smile
And I want her to look beautiful if Mama meets Jesus tonight

My Grown up Christmas List by a number of singers
I am well into my forties, but my "grown up Christmas list" is nothing like this. I still want perfume, jewelry and cool electronics. I stand a better chance at these items than the ones listed in the chorus below. It's a nice sentiment, but I think the writer just wanted the rest of us to fell like shit.

No more lives torn apart

That wars would never start

And time would heal all hearts

And everyone would have a friend

And right would always win

And love would never end

This is my grown up Christmas list

Happy Christmas (War is Over) by John Lennon
I wish someone would just slap John Lennon. What a bunch of leading words and thinly veiled contempt for those of us who carry on despite "the fight". What a pompous ass he was.

A very merry Christmas

And a happy New Year

Let's hope it's a good one

Without any fear

And so this is Christmas

For weak and for strong

For rich and the poor ones

The world is so wrong

And so happy Christmas

For black and for white

For yellow and red ones

Let's stop all the fight



Same Old Lang Syne by Dan Fogelberg

This song is about a man who sees an old flame in the grocery on Christmas Eve, puts the move on her and they end up drinking a six pack of beer in her car as he complains about being a popular singer and she complains about not being in love with her husband. It stops short, thank goodness, of them getting it on in the back seat.

We drank a toast to innocence, we drank a toast to now

Tried to reach beyond the emptiness but neither one knew how

All I want for Christmas is You by Mariah Carey

The original stalker song. Paired with Mariah Carey's irritating continuous octave climb-descend-climb-descend ... no wonder she is alone this holiday season.

I don't want a lot for Christmas

There is just one thing I need

I don't care about the presents

Underneath the Christmas tree

I just want you for my own

More than you could ever know

Make my wish come true

All I want for Christmas is you

I'm going to stop here because that's enough for anyone to take. I will continue later, though. I may do another list of "Christmas songs that I have heard enough of, already!" Lookin' forward to that!