Girls are so mean!

Books have been written about it.

Movies have been made about it.


Every adult woman remembers something like this from her younger days. Many of us have experience being on both sides of this picture; the giver and the recipient. Few would argue that being the giver is a more powerful and positive feeling.


I have said many times that I am so glad I have boys and not girls. You just have to hose boys off and make sure there is nothing alive in their pockets before they come in the house. It's when girls come in the house that the trouble begins. Boys do bully one another, but it manifests itself primarily in physical aggression. Girls participate in what professionals call "relational aggression", spreading rumors, lies, making elevated criticisms of differences and perceived deficiencies. Boys react to a stimulus, getting it out in one fell punch. Girls formulate, develop and create the stimulus just so they can deliver the desired lynch pin and see the reaction. Meanness is more of a process with girls. Like the monster was to Dr. Frankenstein.


Why are girls so mean? It stars VERY early. Think of a girl making and sharpening a sword. She's not really sure what it will do, or how it will be used, but there is an innate desire to hewn it. When she reaches adolescence and hormones begin their lively path, she suddenly discovers a use for her sword. Some girls realize that they can use their cutting tool for good, pruning herself of what is bad and nurturing what is good; tilling the soil of her fertile friendships and ideas, allowing more nutrients to sink into her soil and enrich it. However, it seems the vast majority of pre-teen girls decide to use their sword in more detrimental ways. Cutting down would-be opponents, wounding the weaker ones, keeping the opposite sex at a distance and in tight formation. All the while never disturbing a hair, blemishing a nail or mussing makeup.

At this point, the sword is surely a forked tongue, with sweet words from one side and venom from the other. Many a mother has soothed a sobbing daughter who has suffered such an attack. "I thought she was my friend" is a common anthem. Girls learn from an early age what the words "You don't love me!" can do to a doting father. Don't think for a minute the change in daddy's expression goes without notice. "Hmmmm...that was very effective" is the result of the body language, even if daddy does not give into his little angel. A seed has been sown.

Soon there is a youngster who is an angel to get what she wants, ready to turn into a demon if she doesn't. Her bag of tricks grows and grows.

Grows and grows ... just like she does physically. By now, our pre-teen has evolved into a full-fledged young woman with very little boundaries on what she will say or do to continue that drug of power plays. Now she has a new tool in her arsenal: technology. If someone wrongs her, the amount of time it takes for her to smite him/her is seconds, and all anonymously. Multiple text messages sent to everyone in the directory, MySpace, FaceBook and Twitter updates each with a throw-away comment like, "Didn't Heather wear those pants yesterday?" Suddenly, everyone is looking at Heather's pants, even people who were completely unconcerned minutes before.

My tome will continue tomorrow.